Hope you’re having fun and making profits, making yourself and other people laugh.
To make it simple, I like to classify the application of the sexual nature of joke in three ways.
- Green – which are clean jokes
- Blue – which are risqué jokes
- Red – which are dirty jokes
Used with skill I believe they all have their place in the world of complex relationships and personalities.
There’s an old saying, the worst joke at the right time is better than the best joke at the wrong time. When it comes down to the sexual content of a joke it’s the:
At the place
At the time
In the situation
Under the circumstances
We must become aware of the difference between positive humour/jokes and negative humour/jokes. This is the art of joke telling that you will learn.
People say comedy is all about timing, and it is. Not the timing when you’re telling the joke but more important THE TIME YOU ACTUALLY TELL THE JOKE. How will this audience respond to this joke? So…
You have green jokes
You have blue jokes
You have red jokes
Become a psychologist of comedy, the term is become a humourologist. So that when you first shoot off a joke, you’re not shooting from the hip with a shotgun, that way anyone can get hurt. It’s not ready, fire, aim but ready, aim, check the wind velocity, check that it’s safe, fire!
Following you’ll find some blue jokes, meaning risqué jokes, use them with the right people, at the right time in the right place. Begin developing your sensitivity to humour as well as your sense of humour. All the time listening to the tone of the laughter response and judging what joke to tell next.
Sexual Joke 1
There was the man who on his anniversary took his wife to the finest restaurant in town, he said ‘waiter, I want a bottle of champagne and make it the best vintage’ the waiter said ‘certainly sir, that’ll be 5 cents thanks’. The fella said ‘I don’t believe it, that’s amazing, and if that’s the case, how much is the bill for our 5 course meal?’ The waiter said ’10 cents sir’. This fella said ‘Good Lord, only 10 cents? Are you the manager?’ The waiter said ‘No, he’s upstairs with my wife.’ The fella said ‘Really? And might I ask what is doing with your wife?’ The waiter smirked and said ‘The same as he’s doing with his bloody business.’
Sexual Joke 2
Then there’s the story of the bloke that was visiting his brother in law, who was a very successful dress manufacturer, where he spent a day in his plant. He couldn’t help noticing a certain sales procedure kept being repeated. After a male buyer had been welcomed and shown the firm’s new line, the brother in law stunningly attractive young female assistant would lock herself in her private office with the buyer and a little while later the bloke would come out and place a large order. Finally he said to the brother in law ‘Max, that girl Friday of yours seems to play a key sales role here. Tell me, what is her special talent?’ Max said ‘She has a great head from business.’
Sexual Joke 3
How about the oversexed businessman, who after six months, finally persuaded his secretary to drop her panties and bend forward over the back of his leather couch. When he got home that night, his wife screamed ‘And what have you been doing arriving this time of night?!’ He said ‘I’ve been down at the office honey, working like a dog’.
Sexual Joke 4
This is a plot joke and would be classed as Red – filthy.
This fella gets a job at an oil rig in the Simpson Desert, when he arrives all the workers are women starved. The rush up and say ‘When was the last time you had a woman?’ He didn’t take any notice of this, then half way through the day they all down tools and off they go over the hill. He said to the boss ‘What’s going on here?’ the boss said ‘You’ll find out later, you haven’t been here long enough.’ About two hours later, all the workers came back with big smug smiley looks in their faces. Well he’d been there three months, and this happened again, he said to the boss ‘What’s going on?’ The boss said ‘I’ll tell you this time, you should understand, because you’ve been here three months. These men haven’t seen women for a long time and there’s a fellow with a hundred camels and he brings them by every three months for the boys to get off on’ He said ‘That’s a filthy habit, I would never do that’. Another three months passes and along comes the camels again, he nearly weakens but he says ‘No I can’t do it, it’s not right’. Nine months passes and he can’t stand it, he’s gotta have a woman. Then the day comes, the bell rings and they’re off over the hill like a shot out of a gun. He said to the boss ‘Are the camels here?’ The boss said ‘yes.’ He says ‘Why is everybody rushing? There’s hundreds of camels isn’t there?’ The boss said ‘Yes, but you wouldn’t want to get an ugly one would you?’
Author: Laughing Jack